We Cajuns like to draw out our fights over long hours filled with swearing, hatred, love, and tears. Passive-aggressive is not exactly a fitting description of us. When it comes to me and my mother, we will let you know exactly how we feel, exactly when we feel it. I'll do my best to condense it for those who do not enjoy my particular style of fighting.
My 11:00 class was cancelled, so I decided to invest the time in running my 45 minutes at the gym. On the way, my mother called me. She got right to the point.
"Brooke, I think Ben is an idiot for wanting to do this stupid business thing."
I paused, bracing myself for the inevitable. I knew I shouldn't have told her about Ben's plan -without his knowledge - last night. "Um... why?"
"He's lazy. You and I both know that he's too damn stupid to run a business. This is a whim. It's a joke. He's got no maturity whatsoever. He's too busy sitting at home playing with toys!"
I decided it was best not to inform her that I, too, spent my fair share of time with The Toys last night. "Mom, he's trying. He puts in applications every day. He's just really discouraged."
"I don't care if he's discouraged! He needs to DO something! He wants to go to SCHOOL? Do you actually think he can pass a damn class?"
We went on like this for about an hour, until I had to hide in a corner of the gym to scream without being pointed out as a raving derelict. My mom was bawling, and I was so pissed I couldn't see straight. It's hard to defend your husband against a chronically pessimistic Cajun woman who only wants to highlight his worst flaws.
So, she started screaming, and I hung up on her. (Don't take this as disrespect - it's common for my mother and I. Once, she threw a candle at my face, probably with intent to maim. I don't hold it against her in the slightest.) Furiously I dialed Ben's number.
"You need to get off your lazy ass and DO SOMETHING! My parents are furious! Do you want them to stop sending me to school!"
"Whoa, whoa." Ben sounded disoriented. "You need to calm down, babe. I'm doing applications right now - "
"I don't care!" I shrieked, drawing a few stares from girls on treadmills. "You need to DO MORE! My parents are freaking out on me and I haven't done anything wrong, so YOU need to handle it!"
I'm not of fan of catching the brunt of my mother's frequent anger towards my husband. So, I transfer it to him. It's only fair.
Ben, at this point, hung up on me. I was pissed about the whole exchange, and even more pissed about having my workout disrupted, so I threw my phone in my bag, said screw it, and decided to at least get one mile out of the way before I drove home to wring my husband's neck. Or my mother's. Someone, anyway.
After I ran my mile, listening to the loudest punk rock you can imagine, I dialed my husband. Straight to voicemail. Aggravated, I dialed my mother. Same with her. The jerks were conspiring against me. Throwing my phone down, I sprinted down the track again. I pushed on until I finished another mile, then returned to my phone. One missed call. I punched my husband's number.
"Babe! Everything's okay! You and your mom need to calm down! You two start screaming at each other and get hysterical."
"Whatever." I was hot, tired, and annoyed. This put me in no mood to calm down. "I don't want to talk to either of you. You both have ruined my workout!"
"Babe, you need to calm down."
I hate when he tells me to calm down, so I hung up.
In retrospect, I might have been a little too irritable. It's hard not to fight back when your Cajun mother comes at you with the claws out. But honestly, I share some of her concern. Ben doesn't have a job. Ben's sitting around a little too much. Ben needs to work out more.
But what can I do? I'm just one woman. I can only do so much. I'm his partner in life - but some things, he needs to straighten out for himself.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to do my Wii Fit. If anyone interrupts me again, they'll be lucky to come out of it with all four limbs intact.
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